


Failing To Achieve Apathy

by SecretlyADog



Series: Coldtale [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Even more angst because that's all this AU is really, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mentioned Undertale Genocide Run, Suicide, i mean it literally said it was like a drug so i guess?, like a lot of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:36:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyADog/pseuds/SecretlyADog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emotions? Sans doesn't need those in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Failing To Achieve Apathy

**Author's Note:**

> Tread lightly, friends.

Once Sans realized the resets were happening… that was when he truly lost his mind.

His sanity wasn’t always there after Papyrus left him, but he could summon it back on command, though it took some effort. Now, he struggled for rational moments. All because of that stupid human kid.

He’d almost introduced them to Papyrus the first time before he remembered. He had to run away.

If they had come just a week sooner, Papyrus would’ve come back with every reset. He would’ve been  _ back. _ But fate had to steal this from him too.

How many times had Sans stepped outside in the afternoon, just to feel what his little brother felt in his last moments? To gasp in agony, writhe until he was nothing but dust, and hope to see him again, even if it was for a second?

The kid always reset. He always came back to life. Maybe that was why he courted death in the first place.

How many times had Sans killed himself since discovering resets?

He’d lost count.

Sometimes the kid killed everyone. Even though Sans really had nothing to fight for anymore, some deep instinct inside of him told him to kill them. To end this.

He did. Every time.

Sometimes he killed them when they were innocent, too.

How  _ dare  _ this human show up and taunt him with death! How  _ dare _ they show up when it was too late for his brother! How **_dare_ ** they stomp on his insanity and aggravate it, just because they felt like it!

In the rare moments where Sans’s thoughts were crystal clear, he helped the human. At first it was in the form of oddly worded riddles, but then it was just straight up advice, or even direct help.

Those moments were becoming fewer and farther in between.

The human seemed to notice that something was off with Sans. Often, they would look around whenever they saw him, as if searching for someone else, or they made a face when he said something strange, as if they didn’t expect him to say something like that. The first time they saw him, he noticed, they regarded his clothes oddly. As if it were wrong. It could be a coincidence, but…

Did they remember… some version of him? On some timeline, where he was… normal?

Sans wouldn’t know what that meant.

He had changed a lot. He could see it in the faces of his friends. Every time he did something, they looked at him sadly, as if thinking  _ “the Sans that had Papyrus wouldn’t have done that.” _

Once, he’d seen that Undyne had watched him kill himself. She was the last thing he saw; her confusion and then horror as she watched him take off his hood in the middle of the day. Her shock. Sans imagined that she’d be thinking  _ “I didn’t know it was that bad, I didn’t think he’d completely lose it with Papyrus gone, oh God-”  _ and then, in his final moments, she saw the horrific realization come over her face;  _ “He had to watch Papyrus go through this. He watched his brother die.” _

_ Maybe now you understand, _ Sans thought to himself through the pain. It was the last thought he had that run.

Then, of course, as if merely waking up from sleep, he opened his eyes and had to endure another God damn reset. But sometimes… oh, sometimes, like it was a dream, he saw Papyrus again. His beloved brother would smile at him and silently shake his head, tears streaming down his face. Sans would reach out for him, forming his name in his mouth, just about to push it past his teeth. He’d always be sucking in the air necessary to say it when he woke up. He’d sit up violently and reach out again, crying out for his brother, only to realize he was in his bed, not dead anymore, and he would have to curl up and hold the red scarf he slept with tightly to his chest to stop himself from crying.

Even though it always ended badly, Sans became addicted rather quickly to seeing his brother. Those times were rare, but… there was always a chance. Always a chance. And he took it whenever he felt so inclined.

He thought the human noticed sometimes, but they never said anything.

One day... Sans could’ve sworn he heard Gaster’s voice in his head. It was minutes before he expected the human to arrive. This hadn’t happened before.

_ “Sanssss. The human. Humans have blood. All humans have blood. Aren’t you curious~? Why haven’t you tried it yet?” _

Oh.

Well… he murdered the human out of sheer spite as soon as they walked out of the Ruins occasionally. Would this be much different?

When they walked out the door, he immediately lunged and sank his fangs into their neck.

Oh God, this tasted so much better than any monster could, how had he gone this long without trying it?

He was vaguely aware of the human struggling, but he was too intoxicated by the taste to care. It was sweet, and tasted like… God, if everything else in his world was dark, this tasted like light. It was an indescribable taste, incomparable, it was like a drug. It was dulling his senses, making his thoughts sluggish, and every instinct was telling him to just keep drinking. Every frantic flutter of the human’s heart brought more of the delightful warmth into his mouth. It was...

Addicting.

Even more addicting than seeing Papyrus again. It took over his mind and told him everything was okay now. It gave him power too, and lots of it, but he didn’t care about that. The feeling was the best part. It was like all of his feelings were taken and replaced with ones that weren’t his own, because as long as this human’s blood was singing through his system, he felt total, utter  _ bliss, _ and he was content for the first time in a long time.

The best part was that the feeling never got the chance to end. The human would always reset after that, and then Sans would wake up, feeling the dull pang of euphoria sing through him, and he’d want to seek it out again, like a drug.

Exactly like a drug.

This happened for several more resets. He noticed that the more he did it, the more strongly the feeling lingered even after it shouldn’t have.

If he could feel this way forever…

He’d be okay with living again.

Sans knew the rational, humane part of his logic would’ve told him to stop. This was just cruel.

But that wasn’t him anymore. That part of him died with Papyrus.

Finally, one day, the human had apparently had enough. “Sans, stop!”

His eyes had widened in surprise as he shot them a crazed grin. “Ahh, so you DO remember resets~? Heh, don’t worry, I’ll make this quick.”

Their eyes lit up at his sentence, as if something there had given them hope. “B-but Sans… i-if you want to make it quick, you’ll have to put more backbone into it.”

“That wasn’t fun-...” Sans frowned and backed away from them as if they’d just threatened to stab him. Perhaps that was the wrong comparison, because they had done just that several times and Sans hadn’t even batted an eye socket the first time, but it was anyone else’s normal reaction. Either way, he put a hand to his forehead as a memory tried to surface, a memory that didn’t seem like it was even his.

_ “AS FOR YOUR WORK, PUT A LITTLE MORE *BACKBONE* INTO IT! NYEHEHEHEHEH…!” _

Sans grimaced as he recognized Papyrus's voice and stared at the human in confusion. “What was that?” he snapped. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt manipulated.

The human smiled up at him sadly. “Y-you remember…? S-Sans, what happened here? Everything is different… Y-you, YOU’RE different… Where’s Papyrus?”

Sans’s expression went blank except for his now black eye sockets. The human winced, seeming to know they pushed him too far and were losing him again. “... Papyrus?”

The human, still wincing, nodded hesitantly.

Sans relaxed his posture but kept up his lack of an expression. “... Who’s that?”

He blinked and his pupils were back, and then he smiled at the human widely, almost as if they were friends who hadn’t seen each other in a long time and he was glad to see them. The human could only stare in shock.

“I don’t know a Papyrus. You’ve got the wrong timeline, little bird,” he said, his tone eerily singsong. Then he turned and walked away.

Of course, later, he took the human’s blood. Sans couldn’t let them remind him of his negative feelings without making them pay for it.

They were punished and he got to drown his emotions again.

For him, at least, that was a win win.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in learning more about this AU, pay this page a visit:  
> https://coldtale-au.tumblr.com/  
> Because not only can you ask questions, you can also see Sans's (finally digitalized) design! Along with a speedpaint if you want.  
> I think this is longer than the other ones but probably because there's like 50 paragraphs that are only one line long.


End file.
